“Girls never go for the nice guys.”
It’s a common complaint among my male friends; all girls go for jerks. Like an annoying mosquito, I kind of want to slap any whiny male that utters this phrase.
See, ‘nice guy’ is a term I have a bit of an issue with. Maybe it’s based on my personal experiences and what I see around me, but I feel the stereotype of nice guys constantly getting fucked over is a little overdone. Want to appear instantly unattractive to a woman? Play the ‘poor nice guys, always getting screwed over card’ and you’ll be successful.
This article isn’t having a go at the genuine nice guys out there; I know they exist. This article goes out to the guys that play up the nice guy stereotype, that inevitably end up acting like jerks.
It’s been stated by many girls I know/conversed with on this issue, that the term ‘nice guy’ or ‘nice guy syndrome’ is used by men who view themselves as nice guys, but whose nice deeds are really only motivated because of whatever romantic or sexual interest they may hold for the woman.
I’m talking about the type of guy who plays nice until things don’t go his way, and then blames whatever decision a female has made about their friendship/relationship on the fact that it’s because ‘he’s not a jerk, that’s all that women go for, the nice guys always lose.‘ It’s just not an unattractive look; it’s also likely to make a woman’s vagina lock up and have her toss away the key.
Being nice to a woman for a few months because you’re pursuing her doesn’t make you a ‘nice’ guy, especially if you’re going to turn around and say nasty stuff about the female if she doesn’t want to take things further. You were there for a girl when she was vulnerable, listened to her talk for an hour, wiped away her tears, and then get butt-hurt and make her feel bad when you don’t get anything in return? That doesn’t make you a nice guy that was led on, it makes you an arsehole.
If you become close to a female, and she just wants to be friends, that doesn’t give someone a right to get pissed off and accuse the female population of only going for jerks. It just means unfortunately the timing wasn’t right with this woman. The problem with the self-proclaimed ‘nice guys’, is that they’re so hell bent on playing victim, that they don’t realise the way they are coming across is actually a major turn-off.
I’m going to put it bluntly here, and of course this is an opinion piece so you may disagree with me, but these are some traits that aren’t attractive in a potential male partner.
Jealousy is not attractive.
Playing victim for petty reasons is not attractive.
Fishing for obvious compliments and insecurity is not attractive.
Nice-guy syndrome is not attractive.
Speaking from a girl’s perspective, I would never break up with someone because they were ‘too nice’. That seems ridiculous to me. I would break up with someone if the attraction wasn’t there, regardless of whether they were the loveliest person in the world or not.
It can be seen for the self-proclaimed nice guys that their niceness is based on self-interest and what they want, rather than taking into account both sides of the friendship or relationship.
I get why it’s confusing for some guys. Women often portray themselves as the type that want to date sensitive and emotionally expressive men, and if that is indeed your personality and you’re getting rejected after hearing female counterparts complain about jerks, then I understand that it’s an absolute mind-fuck. But it’s also how you act after that determines a lot about you.
Letting down a nice guy is actually really hard. Sometimes the attraction is just not there. It sucks, but be a man and take the rejection for what it is – it’s not going to work, and that isn’t because you are ‘too nice’.
After ending one fling, I had to deal with this so called nice guy ranting about how ‘women always go for the jerks’ and then accusing me of seeing someone else. If anything it just reinforced my decision to end things with him. Yeah buddy. That’s some really nice behaviour right there.
If you’re a guy and/or a ‘nice guy’ (or even just a genuinely nice guy) and are absolutely confused out of your mind, here’s some food for thought. Girls obviously want someone that treats them right, yes. But there is such thing as being ‘too nice’ and yes that will get you friend-zoned. Agreeing with everything she says? Not expressing your own opinion? Throwing her up on some sort of pedestal? Acting like you aren’t good enough to be dating her or acting too possessive over her? These can all be things that are a turn off for a female, and that may lead her to feeling uncomfortable.
Girls want someone nice, but they also want someone confident and secure in themselves – those traits are far more sexier. If you’re still getting rejected for being nice, don’t start being a jerk.
Statistics (apparently) show that nice guys do win in the end when it comes to locking down a female long-term. Sometimes girls date jerks just to get it out of their system, so they’re able to really commit to a nice guy for the long haul. A genuine nice guy that is. Not a guy that feels he is deserving for no good reason.
Like everything, it just depends on timing.
Words by TAHLIA PRITCHARD, a last session media and communications student at the University of Wollongong, doesn’t like pedestals or rating games, but does like the sound of her own fingers typing. To hear more incessant rants, you can follow her on twitter here.