BY TAHLIA PRITCHARD
“He just kept staring at my tits!” a friend exclaimed once, while wearing a push up bra that made her boobs go up to her chin. Girl, even I can’t stop staring at your tits, and they’re definitely not an aphrodisiac for me.
The boob fascination is one that puzzles me a bit. And it’s not just boys who are fascinated by them. After watching Blurred Lines, my housemate and I sat talking about our girl crush on the model in it, and how ridiculously perky her boobs were. And they didn’t even jiggle when she walked! Did she have a boob job? We stared at her boobs for so long I think I turned a little bit gay.
It’s weird to think two lumps of fat can make people go a little bit crazy. Because really that’s all it is. Two lumps of fat with nipples on top. Hot.
And then there’s keeping up with what’s in fashion when it comes to boobs. Is it the push up look? The side boob? No cleavage? Is there even such thing as being able to not have cleavage? As someone of the bigger busted variety, that thought baffles me.
I am the queen of accidental cleavage. I’ve known this for a long time (since I hit puberty) but it was brought to my attention again the other day when I tried on a very cute, innocent looking dress and turned it Pamela Anderson-esque. I stood in front of the mirror, poking my cleavage repeatedly with my mouth open. I’m not going to lie, it was a little bit fun. Once again, easily fascinated by boobs. So I had a choice – did I go up a dress size to make the dress look modest again/would that even work, or do I just accept the fact that my boobs have a mind of their own and obviously just want to be on show a little bit?
I chose the latter option in the end. May as well flaunt it while you can, before your boobs end up saggy, down to your knees and tucked into your pants.
That being said though, there are less appropriate times to be flaunting what ya mumma gave you. Here are some examples:
1. When you meet your boyfriends parents –
I have successfully avoided meeting a boyfriends parents so far, but even I know it wouldn’t be wildly appropriate to have Romeo and Juliet* on display at a family meet and greet dinner.
*You probably don’t want to know…
2. When babysitting young children –
You don’t want to entice the kid into thinking you have the milk(shake) that brings all the babies to the nips.
3. When going for a job interview –
You probably want to focus on explaining your other assets and qualities. Unless you’re applying for a job at Hooters. Which I haven’t totally ruled out yet post graduation.
4. At church –
While we can be thankful to our God of choice for our lovely lady lumps, it’s not necessary to play show and tell in His house.
To end this boobalicious post, I pose a question. Do YOU not care, when your titties everywhere…homegirl?
Tahlia is last session student at UOW, and thinks T-Pain poses some great societal issues in his lyrics. Is auto tune really dead? Should shirts be taken off? To find out the answers and for more boob talk you can follow her on twitter.