By TAHLIA PRITCHARD
It’s nice when people have found someone they love. Someone that makes them smile, someone they can hold hands with when they walk around in public, maybe stopping for a cheeky hug or peck on the lips at the traffic lights. Someone they like to jump on top of and straddle in the middle of the cinema…wait, what?
PDA (Public Displays of Affection) is a concept we’re probably all acquainted to and have had the pleasure of witnessing from time to time. But there is a line where some PDA can make people feel uncomfortable. I’m all for doing what you want and giving no fucks about what anyone thinks, but if your touching privates on the dance floor at a club it might be time to take things home.
Without further ado, the top 5 most annoying places to witness PDA:
I’ve had to serve customers before who were so loved up they were oblivious to anyone around – most particularly the person trying to serve them. After they ordered their tickets (I work at a cinema), I politely asked them if they wanted anything else from the candy bar.
Him: *staring adoringly into girlfriends eyes* Ummm
Her: *staring back with puppy dog eyes, giggling*
Him: “Want anything babe?”
*both start laughing while still staring at each other*
Her (directly to him): Malteasers?
*both start laughing again*
Meanwhile I’m standing there awkward and confused. Is something to do with malteasers a personal joke for them or do they actually want malteasers? Do I get them malteasers? Do I not. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!
It’s cute you’re infatuated, but when a poor person is trying to do their job as quickly and efficiently as possible, just hold off staring into each others baby blues for FIVE MINUTES. Is that really too much to ask?
Apparently sometimes it is.
2) The Movies:
Following on from above, the movies is obviously a popular date place. So you will be expecting to see couples there. If you’re fresh out of a break up and don’t want to be surrounded by happy couples, then probably avoid your local cinema.
Because it is such a popular date place, you can expect to see maybe a little more PDA than what makes you comfortable, but still nothing too extreme. Maybe some lingering kisses from time to time, but nothing eye-averting or embarrassing.
Until the lights dim however, and the couple in the back row aren’t totally quiet about their activities. There’s been a couple times I’ve been watching a movie and tried to convince myself the panting I heard behind me was just the male/female really getting into the story-line of the film.
When the movie ends and the lights go up again, I don’t blame you if you turn around and give the couple your best ‘I know exactly what you were doing, thanks for traumatising me for life’ look. However be warned that they may be slightly oblivious to the fact that the movie is even over, and will still be making out passionately.
You will see tongue.
3) On the dance-floor
If you’re super against PDA, the dance floor at your local club is hardly going to be your place of sanctuary. If you have to have expectations of PDA happening at the cinema, then definitely hold high expectations that you’ll see A LOT of PDA on the dance-floor. This can include anything from the heavy and passionate making out sessions, to over the top sexual dance moves and grinding.
One of my favourite places for a night out where I live is a night themed around ‘Retro’ songs. Generally you’d think dancing to all the hits from the 90s would be pretty tame right? I mean nothing screams ‘I don’t want to make out with you right now’ more than interpretive dancing to Whigfield’s ‘Sexy Eyes.’
The dance-floor at this venue has a long seat down the side, and it’s not uncommon to find some couples straddling each other and getting well acquainted. We all know alcohol and people can result in a horny mix, but I think I still need therapy from the time I saw some girl get fingered on the dance floor to ‘Wannabe’ by The Spice Girls. I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want. I want to dance without accidentally witnessing someone’s foreplay. That’s what I want.
4) On public transport
It’s early morning and it was another battle to drag yourself out of bed for your working day. I know, I sympathise. As you switch to your third train before 9 am, just to reach your place of destination, you lean wearily onto a pole. In your direct line of vision is a guy with his back against another pole, his girlfriend nestled comfortably into his jacket. They are gazing at each other, and giving each other lingering, tender kisses – then breaking up the lip-locking to give each other ‘butterfly’ kisses (the act of fluttering your eyelashes on someone).
In that moment you praise the higher powers that you were running so late that you didn’t get a chance to grab breakfast, because it probably would have came straight back up again.
5) At centrelink
Going to Centrelink is hard enough at the best of times, let alone when you’re sitting behind a guy with a mullet, making out with his girlfriends neck, while she giggles and ignores their crying baby.
I just can’t even.
I took to twitter to ask what other places annoyed people when it came to PDA. My tweeps provided me with the following:
“I can’t stand PDAs at the supermarket. Cool down in the freezer section kids, or there will be a vomit clean up in aisle 5!”
“Confined spaces (trains, buses), centrelink (due to dero factor) and generally anywhere within my eyesight.”
“Everywhere and anywhere.”
Are there any places or stories you have where you’ve experienced some nauseating examples of Public Displays of Affection?
Article by Tahlia Pritchard who never wants to see someone getting finger-bashed on the dance floor to the Spice Girls ever EVER again. You can now like BULLSH!T on Facebook and follow us on twitter!