How your life will turn out, as told by teen dramas.

The teenage years are eerily similar to wandering through a cavernous tunnel – you can’t see where you’re headed, you navigate the experience by feel, and your lack of phone reception will make you think you’re going to die. If you’re stranded in the cave of adolescence, there’ll be moments when the stress will become too much and you’ll wonder just how you can go on.

But don’t lose hope yet! If the past decade’s catalogue of timeless teen dramas can teach us anything, it’s that things will always work out in the most cliché way possible.

The Underappreciated Girl:

You’re quiet, mild-mannered and predisposed to crying – the exact kind of girl who gets eaten alive by high school’s big personalities. You’re always thoughtful but sometime to a fault, because if the popular girls are nice to you, it’s probably a trap. But most painful of all, you’re in love with the quarterback who still hasn’t asked you out, even though you’ve been helping him with his maths homework for yonks.

How life will turn out:
You’ll eventually date some slightly older guy out of desperation but he’ll try force you to do something you’re not comfortable with – that’s when the quarterback will come to rescue. Roll credits.

 

The Nerdy Guy:

My gosh you are such a dork, yet somewhat inexplicably, you dress like a skater. You come from a wealthy family who can give you anything you need but can’t give you the one thing you want: The girl next door. She doesn’t even know your name but you’ve already written four albums using her’s.

How life will turn out:
You’ll one day tell her how you feel and some jerk will punch you in the face, but she’ll happily soothe your wounds with ointment. Eventually, she’ll be overwhelmed by your quirks and will jump you.

 

 

The Quarterback:

Too soon?

Everyone thinks your life is perfect but you’re a victim of expectations. You’re with the hottest girl in school because you’re expected to be, you hang out with jerks because you’re expected to, and your dad makes you train so hard that you’re failing maths (and risking your scholarship with it). Just once, you’d love to be in control.

How life will turn out:
The ‘it’ girl will eventually cheat on you, the jerks will rise up against you, and you’ll break your throwing arm. Suddenly, the expectations are gone and you’re in control. Unfortunately, the power will go to your head and you’ll think, “That quiet maths tutor looks pretty easy to push around.”

 

The Arty Girl:

Screw the mainstream because you’re too cool for everything! You’d rather spend your time at concerts and painting “interpretive” pieces than going to the cool parties. Which is fine, because you weren’t invited anyway. But while the world distinguishes you by your piercings and (eventually) tattoos, it’s merely a persona you’ve created to bury your low self-esteem.

How life will turn out:
School may not have been made for you, but you’re gonna love uni. Everyone is way more “mature.”

The ‘It’ Girl:

You’re hot in that caked-on kind of way. The compliments pretty much end there, but don’t go pulling your hair out just yet because you’ve got a dad who’s so tightly wrapped around your finger that gangrene is soon to set in. He’s so obsessed with keeping you happy that he’d buy you anything, including a fancy car. Ironically, the only place you’re driving him is bankruptcy.

How life will turn out:
Your lavish lifestyle will come to an abrupt end when your dad’s company collapses under debt and your cool friends abandon you, but that girl you treated so poorly will still welcome you into her home. I know, right – what a weirdo.

The Slightly Older Guy:

Why are you hanging out with these girls? Admittedly, you’re only recently out of high school, but the law is pretty clear on who’s off limits. To the girls, you seem too good to be true. They’re spot on. With all your “worldly experience,” you’re a bit too self-absorbed to actually give a high schooler any credit (expect the arty girl, who’s well ahead of her time).

How life will turn out:
You might call the underappreciated girl childish, but only because you can’t see how you’re upsetting her. She’ll eventually leave, but don’t worry – every year, thousands of girls turn 16 and you’ll be ready to endure the disapproval of each and every one of their parents.

The Brothers:

You hate each other, but only because of parental favouritism. You share some interests – football, the ‘it’ girl – but sharing between siblings always ends in strangling. You run into each other constantly, but only because you live under the same roof.

How life will turn out:
Your rivalry will culminate in a fight to the death, but your evenly matched strengths will lead to mutual respect. Soon, you’ll work together in sports and grow to appreciate each other. If you weren’t brothers, you’d probably be making out already.

 

Words by VINCENT VARNEY, a Sydney-based writer who, upon re-reading this article, is both embarrassed and baffled. Why did he watch so much trashy TV as a kid? Will he relapse and revert to old ways? Will he end up marrying Summer from The OC? The moment he knows for certain, he’ll inform you on Twitter @VincentVarney.

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One thought on “How your life will turn out, as told by teen dramas.

  1. Pingback: How your life will turn out, as told by teen dramas | Twenty-Something

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