BULLSH!T’s guide to: surviving an Abbott government


So we’ve let you have a couple days to let the news sink in. Randall Boggs Tony Abbott is Australia’s new Prime Minister. No, it wasn’t some weird dream you happened to have on Saturday night. It’s real. It’s happened. And now it’s time to accept the reality.

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You only had to look at social media to realise this election many Australian’s felt conflicted about who to vote for – and rather than be 100% certain on voting, it was more like choosing the lesser of two evils. So now we have a rambling, rather quote-worthy (to put it mildly) PM as the face of our nation, we’ve put together a handy guide in how to deal with the next three years.

1) Spend the next three years how you (probably) spent election night: 

Australia has a drinking culture, and of course election night is a good enough reason to drink as any – particularly this election. My friends and I had a pact to not remember the moment Tony Abbott was sworn in. We stuck to that pact, and we stuck to it hard. While I’d prefer not to spend my next three years waking up with a dry mouth and vodka gummi bears thrown all over my room, it’s still preferable than listening to anything that comes out of Tony Abbott’s mouth.

Oh. Thanks for clearing that up Tones.

Oh. Thanks for clearing that up Tones.

2) Don’t read The Daily Telegraph, or The Australian: 

This is assuming you still actually do. And if you do….why? I mean Tabby’s junk splashed across the front page is surely reason enough to avoid such papers.

This should be reason enough why.

This should be reason enough why.

3. Don’t be afraid to rub it in:

God knows lefties have been on the receiving end of copious amounts of shit-talk for the past six years. It’s time for those right counterparts to get what’s been coming to them. Whenever someone wonders why on earth gay marriage isn’t a thing yet, don’t be afraid to nod in the general direction of our PM and smirk a little.  See also: global warming, download speeds, cuts to education. Unfortunately, the list goes on.

4. Get involved:

It’s very easy to sit in the sidelines taking part in snide, snarky political commentary through social media, but at the end of the day, sharing memes on Facebook and hashtagging #auspol isn’t going to do a great deal. If there’s a cause, a party or a political ideal you believe in, hit the pavement. The more voices involved, the louder the eventual message will be.

5. Spend three years in an induced coma:

Just think – you won’t have the image of Abbott in his speedos burned into your brain for a nice, peaceful period of time.

This post was compiled by Tahlia Pritchard and Harrison Cartwright. Stay tuned for the Tony Abbott drinking game, coming to a BULLSH!T page near you soon! 

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2 thoughts on “BULLSH!T’s guide to: surviving an Abbott government

  1. Pingback: the election that was not on my blog | the notebook of be

  2. Tony Abbott sounds a lot like someone currently running for Governor of Texas. The only reason I mention this is because his last name is, coincidentally, Abbott. Greg Abbott. There must be a global conspiracy or something that’s electing these people for some nefarious purpose!!

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