BY COURTNEY FRY AND TAHLIA PRITCHARD
Gone are the days of passing notes in class or through a friend-messenger, in order to ask someone out. We’ve said farewell to the times when we have to down a couple of scotches before asking someone to dance. Waved goodbye to the fine art of courting. These days, we can find a friend, a love, or a simple fuck-buddy through the power of the internet.
Oh, Internet, what can’t you do?
So, I did it. After a couple of ciders, I joined matchmaking app, Tinder. No harm in a bit of research, right? Right?
(I totally convinced co-editor, Tahlia, in joining up too. So there’s double the trouble in this article.)
Courtney: Straight off the bat, Tinder has asked to use information from my Facebook, promising to ‘never post on my wall’. Yeah, okay Tinder, I’m watching you. My mum doesn’t need to know that I’m using this. (Sorry, Mum.)
Tinder also has a default setting. Apparently I’m male, and 12. 12?! What twelve-year-old kids are looking for love online? Aren’t they still afraid of the pursuit of love and sex at that age? Don’t people still have cooties at 12?
Court: I tried to change my gender, Tinder wouldn’t allow it. I laughed for a solid five minutes. Finally got things up and running, now to what Tinder is really about – rating people anonymously!
The app itself is quite strange – a person within the parameters, distance, age and chosen gender, will pop up. You can click into their profile, where it shows their ‘tagline’, a few of their Facebook photos, if you have any shared interests, and finally, mutual Facebook friends.
Once you swipe ‘yes’ or ‘nope’ to someone, the next person pops up, and so on. Once someone swipes ‘yes’ on your profile, and you’ve done the same, Tinder notifies you that you’re a ‘match’ and you can begin a conversation with that person.
Court: Ooh, my first match! I’m going to say hello to everyone I match with. Let’s see what people are like on here.
Court: I’ve found a few people on here that I am friends with in reality, and I had no idea that this thing is so popular. Tahlia and I went out to a club the first night, and I felt very self-conscious and hyper-aware of the people around me. What if all these people have Tinder, too? What if they’ve seen me on there and recognise me? What if they have said ‘nope!’ to my profile?
Tahlia: So I caved and downloaded the app. Hungover me decided why not mix Chickos with Tinder for an all round good time?
Court: A few more matches today, a lot of guys on there are actually quite cute. I’ve maintained innocent, legitimate conversation with a couple, including a guy who works in print media, and another who is studying art history. Only one person has implied that I should suck them off. We’re on a good hit rate so far.
Tahlia: So far I haven’t really liked too many random people. I keep finding people I know and liking them instead because I’m ironic and funny like that.
Court: Laughing a lot at some of the people on here. There’s a lot of guys who think they’re the shit. It’s almost satisfying saying no to these guys, even though they don’t know I’m doing it. Tinder is officially addictive.
Tahlia: Finally had my first Tinder conversation. Was it with a guy I’ve known previously? Well…yes. I politely asked him if he was DTF because I’m pretty sure that means Drink Tea on Friday. I think he’s keen. Personally, I’m a green tea with mint infusion fan, so I hope he likes that too, because that’s all I own.
Tahlia: I looked at my phone today and in my photo albums I have screenshots of all the people I recognise from Tinder. I don’t know why I’ve done this. Am I creepier for it? Probably. Is it possible to out-creep Tinder? Maybe.
I also screenshot the description of one guy who I didn’t like; for the record, he’s a simple guy that enjoys listening to Nickleback and Destiny’s Child. I don’t think we will have much in common unfortunately. I’m still holding hope I will find my Mr Right.
Court: A guy I’ve seen out at pubs in town popped up. Do I say yes or no? Oh god, this is getting more complicated the further I get into this app. I ended up saying no. But that doesn’t mean he said no to me. What have I gotten myself into?
Tahlia: I took the plunge and decided to start a conversation. ‘So Tinder thinks our babies are going to be pretty good looking,’ I kindly told my match, Jordan. For some reason I’m yet to get a response. I guess Jordan’s not going to be my Tinder Surprise.
Court: I’ve decided to change my settings over so I can see what kind of girls are on here as well. I’m predicting they’ll all be pretty standard ladies, likely on here for the same things the guys are – mostly for a laugh, partially for intrigue, a slight bit for compliments and self-esteem boosts.
Court: After changing my settings, about three different girls popped up. They all looked pretty normal, quite cute, actually. After that, Tinder said there were no more people in my area. I don’t even know what to think about that. Have I broken it?
Tahlia: I figured the reason no one is talking to me is because I had no bio. So today I wrote one. “My interests include writing Harry Potter fanfic, rapping meaningful lyrics for da boiz (e.g. ‘Get Low’ – Lil Jon) and twerking while licking a hammer.”
It’s only a matter of time before the boys start fervently hitting ‘like’ on my Tinder page, I just know it.
Court: Got it working again, hooray! Stumbled across a cute guy from a cafe in town. Do I hit like and wonder if he’ll hit like on me? This is getting too close to home. There’s too many familiar faces. I need to get away from here. Though, there are people that are definitely lying about their age.
Tahlia: Why the fuck can’t I find any cute guys that work in cafes? Why do I keep finding guys with their shirt offs, pumped up on the ‘roids all sporting fully sick sleeves? DO YOU HATE ME TINDER, DO YOU? ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO LOVE AND BE LOVED IN RETURN.
Court: I hit like. I wonder if this will get me free coffee. Oh, there’s another guy from the cafe. Hey Tahlia, don’t you think this one is cute? Let’s use this to our advantage. I’ll be Tinderella.
Tahlia: So a guy started chatting to me for all of 5 minutes before he wanted to take our relationship to the next level – Facebook. I’m not sure if I’m ready for this type of commitment.
In our Tinder chat he told me I seem to have a great rig. I thought the term rig had something to do with sailing boats. Or a truck. Wait, is he calling me fat?
Court: Tinder has been working on and off for me – not too sure why. I finally got the female side working, but there’s still more guys than girls in that category. Why? Do guys think it’s funny to lie about their gender?
Aside from that, holy crap, all the ladies are gorgeous. I mean, stunning. Why people have swiped ‘yes’ on me, I don’t know.
Tahlia: Two more guys talking to me. ‘Hey cutie,’ one of them leered (okay, creative spin, whatever, sue me). Obviously my bio is working. I knew people would be into the Harry Potter fan fic stuff.
Court: Funnily enough, it’s not just your average Joe or Josie on Tinder, I’ve come across three notable males so far. All of whom have been on TV in the last year. That’s not fair, I’m sure they have a lot of people vying for their love and affection without having to use things like online dating. I still hit ‘yes’ on them, because who knows what could happen.
Tahlia: Tinder, no offence but I think our relationship is starting to get stale. There’s some good looking guys on there, I won’t lie, but the conversations I’ve had have basically put me to sleep.
Tahlia: Actually, I take it back Tinder. I adjusted my settings to a 50 mile radius, and got six matches in about six seconds. One guy talking to me even has a sense of humour. A guy has admired my ability to twerk while licking a hammer, so he seems like a catch. Another guy told me I looked like Lana Del Ray, and nearly caused me to choke to death on my grape. He smoothly followed it with ‘So…wanna hook up?’ (Now it all makes sense).
Tahlia: In summary here’s what I’ve learned from Tinder. A fair few of my male friends use it. There is a certain ego stroking thrill to be had when you like someone and they have already liked you. I got more likes with a quirky bio, than nothing at all, so yes folks, personality can still play a part in online dating. Also handy tips for future male Tinder uses: assuming you don’t have children, don’t make your profile photo one with a kid. That’s an immediate swipe to the murky areas of ‘Nope.’
Court: What I’ve learnt from Tinder is that online dating is definitely a thing. People are brash and crass on the internet, and online dating is not exempt from this. Though I met some lovely people on the site (both single and in relationships), there are some that are on there purely to feed their carnal needs, and they’re not shy to tell you. I’m going to agree with Tahlia and say that if you’re looking for love online and you’re not a parent, don’t have a baby in your photos and confuse us. I think I’ll keep Tinder for a while longer, to tickle my ego and give me self-esteem boosts when I need them. Thanks, fellas!