If you look up First Dates in a dictionary the description says: “One of the most socially awkward things you’ll ever have to face in your adult life; may result in tears and/or nervous, hysterical laughter.” Okay, so I maybe just made that up, but I’m pretty sure that’s what the definition should be.
Luckily for you all us dating experts here at BULLSH!T (read: single, lonely writers), have some tips of what NOT to do when it comes to that scary, why-did-I-even-leave-the-house, first date. (It’s not coincidence to me that first rhymes with worst).
1) Keep your phone in your pocket:
We’re the social media generation, but if you’re Facebooking away while you’re on a date it’s probably time to get your priorities in order. Also, if your attention is more easily captured by social media and you’re finding that more fascinating, then you probably shouldn’t even be on the date in the first place. If you’re waiting on an urgent message or email, just politely let your date know so you don’t look like a snobby bitch.
2) Don’t talk with your mouth full:
I don’t care how excited you are about a turn in conversation. Chew, swallow, then talk. Take a breath. Calm down. Make your mother proud.
3) Practice the art of listening:
Three rules: Ask questions. Be attentive. Don’t interrupt.
4) Choose your drink selection carefully:
If beer makes you burp, maybe don’t choose that as your beverage of choice. There’s nothing more awkward then trying to look highly interested in what your date is talking about, while suppressing a burp. You’ll probably end up red-faced and slightly constipated looking. Hardly screams ‘ask me on a second date plz.’
If you’re nervous and drinking, try not to gulp down that alcohol deliciousness too fast. Might be awkward to end up drunk before dinner even comes, especially if your date is someone you don’t know all that well.
5) Don’t ask weird questions:
It’s a date, not a job interview. Keep it casual and fun. If you’re asking your date what they see themselves doing in five years, and how many children they can see in their future, it’s just bordering on downright creepy. Keep the interrogation to a minimum.
I had an awkward encounter once after going through all the boring details about our lives (jobs, degrees etc), a guy asked me ‘So what do you in your spare time when not studying/working/interning?’ Apparently my answer of ‘write a lot, drink some more, hang out with my friends, go to gigs’ didn’t deem me cool enough. He followed it up with ‘But, what else?’ I don’t know buddy. Sing Miley Cyrus songs to my imaginary cats? What answer do you want from me?
6) Don’t expect to be getting a free meal:
Get with the modern times ya’ll. Expect to go dutch, it’s the polite thing to do. It’s at least nice to offer to pay.
7) Wear something you’re comfortable in:
It’s better to be able to focus on conversation as compared to trying not to slip a nip. Or looking like THIS girl
8) Don’t over-share:
While you want to be yourself, you don’t have to reveal every quirk and hobby you have. Leave some sort of mystery. Turns out you may get weird looks when you confess to your date that one of your favourite pastimes when you go home is reading the local newspaper and picking out (and sometimes highlighting) every grammatical error they make. Save fun little quirks like this for at least the third date when you’ve
trapped …got to know…them a little.
Advice by Tahlia Pritchard who actually doesn’t even follow her own advice. Particularly point number 8.