The art of food-snobbery

It has come to my attention that people like to get outraged about a lot of things, things that they actually have no right to be so emotional about. One of these things is food and people’s food choices.

Since it’s the new year and you’ve written those all-important resolutions, you might want to add this onto your list; I’ve made a small list of reasons about why being so invested in people’s food choices isn’t the way to be happy, how not to be annoying about your new diet and also some pointers in case you happen to encounter someone who is a snob about their food.

Will the fact that someone doesn’t eat pork/rice/gluten/dairy/red food really make a difference in your life?

So your friend is Jewish and eats strictly kosher. Maybe they’re severely lactose intolerant. Maybe their favourite colour is blue and all they want to eat is blue food. The only way this should matter to you is if they invite you over to their house for dinner or you’re going out together to eat. In those two cases, it might take a bit more effort to figure out what to bring or where to go, but to the point where it pisses you off so much that you end up ranting about it on your personal blog, Twitter or Facebook page is just ridiculous.

But they’ve just given in to those RADICAL cult trends!

Really? Maybe they haven’t – gluten is in everything and most people will not sacrifice their love of bread and cake to be “healthy” when there are healthier alternatives of those two food choices. Don’t berate a person for going gluten- or dairy-free because the amount of strength it takes to avoid those two substances is Herculean (this also goes for people whose diet is directed by their religion). If the person who just started a gluten-free diet is doing so because they’ve had awful indigestion for the past year and this is the only thing that relieves it, then please support your friend and don’t make them feel like shit about something that is positively impacting their lives.

But – so what if they have? Quinoa is actually pretty tasty and if it helps someone get their fitness kick started, then why would it bother you?

The only reason it should bug you is when your friend will not shut up about their new diet and is clearly only doing it for the attention. If they do continue to go on and on about how great and amazing quinoa and acai berries are, tell them that you already know from their rant last week and that you just don’t feel like trying it. A slap to the face may be used as a last resort.

THOSE vegans.

You know,  those who will now brag about each meal they’ve made that is entirely vegan and how beneficial it is to their health and also how many animals they’ve just saved. Those vegans who will shoot lasers out of their eyes at you when you consume meat or dairy in their presence. There are also loads of lovely vegans who don’t make a fuss about how they made the best baked tofu salad the other night. I like those vegans. You rock, guys. Actually, anyone who isn’t a douchebag about food rocks.

You’ve gotta realise that food is something we need to survive and most people’s food choices are none of your business and you need to back away unless someone’s food choices are actually shitting up other people’s lives (by being annoying or shaming others for what they’re putting in their mouths). Then you might want to step in and talk to them. But otherwise, ignore it and stew in your anger silently because telling someone that they’re being a picky eater isn’t going to reform them.

Also, please realise that you may be one of those people who won’t stop bragging about your food and just how delicious your Agave syrup is and how it’s a great substitute for sugar. When you start talking,  take a look around the table at your friend’s faces. Some of them may look bored, frustrated, annoyed, exasperated… if you have enough friends, you’ll probably see all of those expressions in front of you – if you don’t have that many friends, this may be a sign that they’re refusing to eat with you to avoid you and Your New Diet.

Written by ALICE ANTONOV. Stay up to date with more BULLSH!T on Facebook and Twitter.

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