As young Australians, we’ve all become acquainted to the ever trusty goon bag at some stage in our lives. The faithfully cheap silver sack has had us at our best, our worst and has carried the burden and responsibility for some of our more questionable actions. Plus we all know Fruity Lexia makes you Sexier.
However, the cheap Aussie staple of alcohol isn’t just handy for getting completely written off. Here’s a list of things you and your goon bag can complete together.
1) Make a goon raft
…The SS Gooninator
There’s nothing more Aussie than a friendly game of Goon of Fortune on your clothesline. A fun party game that will get you to bond* with friends and strangers alike.
*BULLSH!T takes no responsibility for whatever way to choose to ‘bond’ after consuming copious amounts of goon.
3) The ‘Goon Box’ Game
The aim of the game is to pick the empty goon box up with your mouth, and not use anything else. While competing with friends, when everyone finishes their turn, a bit of the box must be ripped off. Gradually it grows smaller and smaller, and becomes more difficult to pick up. The winner gets eternal glory.
4) Take your Goon bag camping
Drink your goon bag and then fill the empty bag with water: Voila, a nice-sized drink bottle for your camping trip. Never get dehydrated again, thanks to the trusty goon bag.
5) Wear your Goon Bag as a Handbag
Hitting catwalks in 2015, the GoonBag trend. Fashion Week ain’t even ready for this.
Alternatively, and while you’re waiting for this trend to come to popular outlets near you, your normal goon bag fits nicely into your backpack or handbag. That way you can carry it with you wherever you go; shopping, class, dinner with your parents… The list is endless.
6) Hang out with them in your spare time
This is particularly good if you find it hard to make friends, Drink the silver sack of life, draw a face on it, and hang out with your favourite man/lady. From experience, they aren’t very good at challenging you at Mario Kart (but hey, at least I can finally win), and they’re also not so great on giving advice… but they’re amazing listeners.
7) Take a well deserved nap
After consuming some delicious goony liquid, why not take a well deserved nap? Tasty and comfortable, what more could you ask for.
8) Or if you want, take it that one step further…
Introducing the GoonBed. Who needs mattresses these days anyway? It’s easily portable, so you can take it from place to place with no hassle or sore muscles from heavy lifting.
Words by TAHLIA PRITCHARD, who successfully kept the goon industry afloat from 2010-2012.