Ah, alcohol. You’ve supported us all through the best of times, and destroyed our will to live at the worst of times. What was once a recreational activity in our teens has now evolved to 24 hour hangovers and soul crushing ‘what-am-i-doing-with-my-life’ moments.
Yet sobriety just doesn’t taste as good the bitter scent of liquor and the moist sweaty bodies of our peers gyrating on us against our will. No, alcohol, we’re not done with you yet. So we’ve put together a definitive ranking of all the best drinking locations for all twentysomethings.
10. At a night club, to sweat out the creepy vibes you’re getting .
What better way to blow off some steam than the foul burning of tequila tearing your throat apart while everyone gyrates on one another like the world’s about to end?
9. At house parties, to forget the names of people you didn’t expect to see.
Ah, that oh so familiar feeling of being flung back to your teenage years again. Drink to relive your lost youth, or to erase the image of that couple in the corner who have failed to notice the presence of 100 other people in the room.
8. Under tables, or any piece of furniture, really.
I’ve never tried it per say, but it seems to happen a lot on TV. Regardless, it’s safe to assume that you’re going to wake up feeling like hell tomorrow regardless of your drinking posture.
7. On the plane, to imagine the people next to you doesn’t exist.
Old guy snoring? Creepy woman telling you your life story? Kid kicking the back of your seat? Flight attendant smiling creepily at you every time they walk past? Vodka, straight up, no ice.
6. A quickie at the bar, before a first date.
Nervous to meet your date? Don’t be! Take the edge off with a quick drink or 5 at the bar before they arrive. You definitely won’t seem like a prude, that’s for sure.
5. At the office, to stimulate productive ideas.
Get those creative juices flowing with some real juice and gin! If you don’t work in a creative field, it still can’t hurt to try it. Remember, it’s only frowned upon if you crack open a drink before lunch time.
4. On the beach, with friends who can afford to bring Martinis.
First step: find richer friends than your current ones. Second step: allow the cocktails to warm your stomach as the sun warms your body and the mosquitos feast on your oblivious body.
3. In bed, listening to your favourite jam.
This one can be enjoyed with a best friend, or solo. But remember, despite popular belief, drinking alone doesn’t make you a grown up, nor does it count as a ‘liquid hug’. Better do this one with a partner.
2. And best of all, in a luxuriously warm bubble bath.
If you haven’t done it, then you don’t deserve to be of a legal drinking age. Nothing is more relaxing than than lighting candles, cracking open a cold one and cranking up a 90s jam while you soak in the tub. It’s the closest you’ll ever get to being fancy!
1. That being said, if it’s a Friday afternoon, pretty much anywhere is good.
…Until the next morning.
Now you’re set. Go forth and get down as one Rebecca Back prophesied all those years ago.
Feature image: 21st Century Fox