From its humble beginnings as a kid’s birthday party to its rise to international recognition, there’s no doubt that Christmas has really kicked off in recent years. No longer celebrated only by religious hipsters as a show of non-conformity, the sacred day his truly become mass market, available in over 160 countries around the world and rivalling the Nintendo Wii as today’s most popular form of family entertainment!
But would believe not all Christmases are created equal? Some countries have the gall to celebrate Christmas as they please, pushing aside the proper, Australian holiday traditions.
Here are 12 Christmas traditions celebrated only in Australia.
1. That dark part of the Nativity story when Mary and Joseph can’t find a place to stay, are picked up by Ivan Milat and are subsequently murdered.
2. Gifts are placed inside a kangaroo’s severed pouch overhanging the fireplace.
3. Erection of an authentic, plastic Christmas tree in the living room.
4. While the children sleep, Tony Abbott flies around on his sleigh and delivers gifts to over eight million households.
5. Embodying the generosity that is the Christmas spirit, Scott Morrison chooses one lucky asylum seeker and grants them accommodation in a detention centre for the next five years.
6. Inspired by the seasonal colours, all children born on Christmas day emerge from the womb covered in a red liquid.
7. A ritualistic shrimp is thrown on the barbecue so as to appease any overseas visitors.
8. Churches around the country hold midnight masses to ensure no one attends.
10. Christmas is referred to as “the holidays” or “the festive season” to make sure non-Christians don’t feel unwanted and so Christians do feel unwanted.
11. A cavalcade of C-grade celebrities perform at concerts like Carols By Candlelight to remind Australians that another year has past and the local entertainment industry still hasn’t improved.
12. Behind a façade of jubilance, residents spend the entirety of Christmas Day in fear that, somewhere in the country, Shannon Noll is still alive and preparing his comeback.
Featured image: Victor Hanacek / Picjumbo