Life is hard. Sometimes relationships are difficult to navigate. It’s hard to know what is right and what is normal. That’s why it is important to have a lifeline to guide us.
Much like Buddha, rappers across time have bestowed articulate drops of wisdom upon humankind. Whether it’s teaching us exactly how much bling will get us laid or knowing what impressive, sexual metaphors to slip into conversation, rappers have consistently led as teachers of the world.
We can’t all have a pocket Oprah or a speed dial Dr Phil, but we can have the insights of rappers worldwide, bestowing upon us their understanding of romance, love and relationships.
So here’s a compilation of all the romantic observations given to us by rappers. We hope they inspire something deeper within you.
Drake, Doing it wrong – “Cry if you need to/ But I can’t stay to watch you/ That’s the wrong thing to do.”
Only rookies stay and support their distraught partner. If you’re watching a Nicholas Sparks film and you see so much as a glistening tear, it would be wrong of you to comfort them. If you love that person, you will get the hell out of there.
Kanye West, Gettin’ It In – “My apologies, are you into astrology/ Cause I’m, I’m tryin to make it to Uranus.”
If you believe in astrology, a man will undoubtedly covet your rear end more so than a woman who does not. Also, Uranus is the 13th star sign, hidden all along, like a horcrux. No wonder so many people don’t believe in Astrology when Uranus is so hard to find.
T.I, No Mediocre – “I just handed her the keys to a new drop Jag/When she took it, I took it back/ you shoulda asked for a Benz/ That’s mediocre b*tch.”
If a man gives you his keys, assume he has a better car and it’s a really confusing test he inevitably wants you to fail. Guys, even if you don’t actually own a Benz, if she doesn’t assume you have one, leave her without warning.
Lil B, Wonton Soup – “Bitches suck my d*ck because I look like J.K. Rowling.”
Hooray! Gentlemen, you finally have license to buy that luscious blonde wig you were eyeing off at the wig store. Ladies, chip in and spoil your man. If you don’t look like J.K Rowling, forget having a date this Valentine’s Day.
Eminem, Space Bound – “Love is evil. Spell it backwards, I’ll show ya.”
Love backwards spells “Evol”. Just like idiot spelled backwards is “toidi”. Love probably isn’t evil, your significant other just realised that you can’t spell.
Timbaland, Get on the bus – “There’s no need to lie folk/Why you sleeping with ya eyes closed?”
If your lover sleeps with their eyes closed, they cannot be trusted. Get out of bed, pack your bags and leave slowly. People who sleep with their eyes closed are most likely sociopaths.
Chances are you didn’t know about any of that valuable advice. No wonder you’re single. If you aren’t single, you soon will be if you don’t start looking like J.K Rowling sleeping with her eyes open on Uranus.