What are you doing right now? No, but seriously.

By TAHLIA PRITCHARD 

It’s hardly new to us that the social media boom has changed our lives and the way we interact with others. While once it would have seemed really weird to tell a bunch of people on the internet what you’re doing, feeling, thinking and eating, now it’s basically just another social norm.

There’s no denying social media is great for many things, just like there’s no denying some people on social media should really learn to sit on their hands and think hard before they type. Without further ado, here’s a break down on the most annoying social media personas.

The ‘you must know what I’m doing at all times’ check-in person:

“Yewww, good work out, pumping some weights!”  – at Anytime Fitness

Well sorry bro, I don’t entirely believe you. In fact it seems like the only work out you’re currently getting is with your eager fingers checking you in so EVERYONE knows that you go to the gym. Congratulations! Want a badge? But seriously, do you even lift?

“OHEMGEE BEST NIGHT EVAH! FEET HURT FROM DANCING!” – at Glasshouse

I missed out on the obvious dance craze hitting floors everywhere. The check-in dance. I think it’s something like you pretend to look really interested, move your feet a little, bop your head while furiously typing and letting the world know how much FUN you’re having by checking into your local nightclub. Then you do a little shuffle, and check your phone every 30 seconds in time to the beat of Ke$ha to see if anyone actually gives a shit.

“Could work actually go any slower?” – at workplace

Hey, here’s a tip. The funny thing about work is generally it goes faster when you’re actually doing some sort of work. Call me crazy… or wacky.

“Big day, so tired” – at bed

Fucking woopdeedoo.

The ‘you must know how I’m feeling, YOU REALLY MUST’ status updater:

“Feeling a bit down today, it’s hard when the only one that makes you feel happy is the one that walked away </3”

Righto T-Swift go write another break-up tune. Do you want to know what I’m feeling? I feel you should probably learn how to make yourself happy and not rely on other people, but hey that’s just me.

“Argh food poisoning. Feel so sick. Worst ever :(“

Thanks for the imagery of you exploding out of both ends.

“Sick of people and all their bullshit. Oh yeah, think you’re all tough saying shit on Facebook? You’re so immature! Makes me so mad.”

Pot. Kettle. Black.

The ‘let’s get deep and meaningful’ poster:

“Seize the day! Carpe Diem!”

Ooooh cool, you should get a tattoo of that!!

“Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.”

Thanks Einstein. Couldn’t have made it through the day without this status.

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”

I wish more people quoted Marilyn Monroe on Facebook. Oh wait…

The ‘oh god please tell me you didn’t’ person (the type who should have their Facebook exterminated):

“7 cm dilated now! Not long to go!”

I seriously once saw a status like this where a guy let his feed know that his partner was 7cm dilated. I wish I was joking. What happened to the good old days when people just let us know when the baby was actually born through a simple status? Or even the OLDER days where people would find out through a phone call? Word of mouth? Newspaper announcement? So old school I know. Do I want to think in detail about your partner, her vagina and a baby about to push its way through? Funnily enough, NO I DO NOT.

“Happy one month babe. I love you to the moon and back.”

Get out. Now.

“Same sex couples. You make me sick!”

Another status I saw recently. This status makes me sick. Don’t like same-sex couples? Fine, but keep it off social media. I don’t like a lot of things, but I don’t go dissing it on my Facebook. Such strong opinions on controversial issues such as homosexuality, religious beliefs and political beliefs should always be thought about long and hard before posting on a social media platform. Would you stand up in a public place filled with 800 people and publicly declare that you hate gay people? Probably not, so sit down keyboard warrior. Sit down hard on those hands.

The ‘I’m going to repost everything from my instagram onto my feed here’ person:

Food pic. Food pic. Selfie. Dog. Food. Coffee. Selfie. Selfie. Clouds. Food. Food. Glass of wine. Cat.

So many original images that we would normally be way too deprived of in everyday life…Thank God for the person who reminds us what coffee with a vintage filter looks like.

Can you think of any other social media personas that make you grind your teeth and swear that one day soon you’ll delete it out of your life? 

Article by Tahlia Pritchard who’s main social media flaw is the excessive use of hashtags that don’t actually make sense in relation to what she’s posting. You can see more of that on her twitter.